I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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