I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
