I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
