I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
