I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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