Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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