man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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