Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
And then my night got REAL pukey
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
