is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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