My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
