matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize