I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize