After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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