Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
