you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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