dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
