absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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