he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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