we're blogging at a bar
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
