We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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