There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
