We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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