Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
