Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
