I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize