they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
