last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I can't turn off my feet"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
