I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Did you pee in the oven last night??
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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