She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
