also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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