Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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