Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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