please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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