how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
