I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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