I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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