And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
