Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
