wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
