Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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