There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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