Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
