He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
