hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
