dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
