He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
