You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
