Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
