I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
