my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I believe in your delicious
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
