There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
