Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My life is pants optional.
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