Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Randomize
