this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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