my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
