Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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