oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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