What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
