i already hear my dad disowning me
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
