dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
