I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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