You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I need to align my fucking chakras
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