franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
