4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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