Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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