I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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