We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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