Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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