thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
