Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
