Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
