it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
